Wednesday 14 August 2013

London, Baby

So a good few months back, my sister and I decided it would be a good idea to schedule in a "sisterly fun" weekend. We don't live very close so we don't get to see each other that much. 
We both get very envious and sad when we see people just popping to their sibling's houses for dinner or a cuppa, if only we could have that! 
Anyway, our weekend of fun finally came along, I was very excited!
Ant was having Violet for the weekend, and my lovely brother in law was coming up to ours with my two nephews so they could all hang out together and not be lonely and wifeless all weekend (although I think they had more fun without us there anyway!) 
So Gareth arrived at lunchtime and had all three kiddies by himself for a bit so I could set off before rush hour kicked in which was great, I blasted my music the whole way there and drove as fast as I liked! 
When I arrived I was soon escorted back out again as we wanted to make afternoon tea at Beckworths (local amazing garden centre), luckily we made it just before the cut off time and ate scrumptious sandwiches and delicious cakey treats washed down with a good old english cuppa! We managed to catch a glimpse of some aircraft doing practice runs for an air show which was pretty cool, we watched them whizzing around for ages!
We then headed off to my sisters fancy spa/gym place and had a swim, jacuzzi, steam room session followed by a coffee in the gardens on deckchairs while wrapped in towels in the sunshine, bliss! 
We had a quiet night in and plotted our day in London for the following day, showered then went to bed.
Saturday morning: up bright and early, nice coffee, spent a while trying to get Louise to pick an outfit that went with one of her fancy mulberry bags, if you know my sister, you will understand that this took some time and various outfit changes! She did however, allow me to use her green Alexa which I am very fond of, although I spent most of the day checking on it! 
We got the train in and made the first pit stop at Starbucks then off we went...!
We seemed to fit in a tonne of stuff in just one day. We first went Selfridges to mooch about the fancy stuff. I mainly admired the new Victoria Beckham collection and Louise mainly admired the entire handbag department! 
After that we went on our way to Fortnum & Mason (while stopping at many fancy shops and peering in snooty galleries on the way!) I have never been to F&M but given its the go-to confectionery place for HM The Queen I thought it was about time I sample their delights! 
The building was just beautiful with cute topiary of teapots and cups on the front canopy, and once inside there were so many fancy sweets to look at! We took the teeny tiny fancy lift up to the top floor and kinda made our way down through the different departments. I spent £6:50 on some fancy nougat (which I am yet to eat as I feel like I really need to savour it!) and bought some rather glorious french salted caramels. 
After that we hot-footed it to Liberty. I love this store, I visit it every time I'm in London. I love the outside, I love the architecture, I love everything it sells! They have an amazing haberdashery department, what I would give to run that department as my job! 
So after swooning over all the pretty fripperies, we stopped for a bit of lunch then got the tube over to Liverpool Street to go and find Spitalfields Market. 
Saturday was probably the wrong day to be there as neither of us seemed to have the patience for large crowds, so we kind of mooched around a little bit, then I realised I'd dropped my train ticket which but a dampner on things (I got a stern telling off by my sister - thats the problem with being out with family, you do something wrong and you pretty much feel like you're 6 years old again and about to get a smacked bot!) 
So then we decided to go back to Bond Street and find somewhere to eat. After a kir royale and some nibbles, we then mooched all the way down the river which was my favourite part of the day. I've always wanted to walk alongside the river for the views mainly. We walked past the Shard, saw London Bridge, over another bridge, down a bit more, over the "wobbly death eater" bridge as I call it, (briefly) admired Tate Modern, back over WDE bridge, admired St Pauls then legged it to the station and got the train home!
I had ridiculous blisters on my feet but it was worth it! When we got home we had a yummy thai takeaway followed by some yummy macaroons, a good chin wag again and then off to sleeps. 
I woke up to my sister bringing me a coffee at around 9am! I've not slept that long in months! I slowly got ready, had a bit of breakfast and sadly said my goodbyes. 
I got really sad on the way home as I really miss my sister and the fact she's not conveniently close to visit. But I was happy that we'd made the most of my visit and we'd had a great time. The fact that we never once put the tv on or even sat in the living room must be a sign of being in good company. 
Here's to next time, my beautiful sister x


Sunday 30 June 2013

1

So this time last year... (Time of writing this, not posting!)
I was on my way back to the hospital determined that after this visit, I would return home with my baby, and luckily for me, I did. 
And my what a year it's been! 

I remember starting off by being in a baby bubble of "am I doing this right?" "what if I get her in a bad habit" "how can I get more sleep" etc etc. I breastfed Violet for her first week, something I now feel I could maybe have managed longer for if I wasn't talked out of it by a midwife!

I want to remember all the little things, mostly because they're the first things you forget.

I remember being in the birthing pool and cradling her in my hands the second she was born.
I remember seeing her face for the first time and even though she was covered in a sticky mess she still looked beautiful and had a really cute pout.
I remember seeing Anthony hold her for the first time with a look of both complete fear and sheer total happiness on his face.
I remember the first time I fed her, and it felt like nothing could go wrong in the world.
I remember being in the post natal ward and feeling very lonely.
I remember not wanting to put her down in the hospital crib because she looked so much cosier on me.
I remember waiting for Anthony to bring the car round to the hospital entrance and catching a glimpse of my soft, smaller belly in the window.
I remember that her skin felt like velvet and smelled like fluffy towels.
I remember all the snoozy sleepy cuddles, rocking her to sleep, patting her to sleep, taking her in the car to sleep, (you can see a recurring theme here I'm sure!)
I remember the way her fists seemed to be clenched together for weeks and weeks and how she always had them up beside her head at bathtime.
I remember how she had gloopy eyes and how gently and carefully we had to clean them.
I remember the sound of Ewan the Dream Sheep in the middle of the night and Ant swinging the crib with his foot to make her sleep.
I remember being scared of her umblilical cord stump and always trying to keep it clean.
I remember seeing her smiling when she was just a couple of days old and trying to figure out if it was wind.
I remember watching Wimbledon and having her in her moses basket sleeping soundly throughout the Murray/Federer final. 
I remember being terrified of Anthony going back to work.
I remember sitting in the bathroom and crying for 45 minutes for no reason whatsoever.
I remember bursting into tears in Tesco because I had gone out on my own for the first time.
I remember how it felt to not be able to stand up from sitting without feeling like I should be given a gold medal.
I remember savlon baths and smelling like an old biddy.
I remember waking up to find Anthony asleep downstairs with her nestled in his dressing gown and it making me cry.
I remember that she first laughed for me while in the bath because I made duck noises at her.
I remember how she used to stare at trees and the sky during the summery days.
I remember when it was too hot and waking up all night long to check she was ok and not too hot.
I remember being scared of weaning.
I remember the mess of weaning.
I remember resenting annabel karmel and her perfect recipes.
I remember thinking Gina Ford was the devil.
I remember throwing the Gina Ford book in the freezer.
I remember a little bit of Gina Ford can work when you tweak it and stop trying to follow it exactly.
I remember being intimidated by other mothers at baby group.
I remember how much Violet loved meeting new babies.
I remember that she was wearing her pink with grey stars sleepsuit when she first sat up on her own when she was 18 weeks old. 
I remember how excited we were about her first Christmas and how she thought snow was for eating.
I remember feeling proud and excited that she started rolling (properly) on New Years Day.
I remember how nice it was to always have people comment on how happy she is and that she will always smile at people when we go places.
I remember the sleep regression phase.
I remember having no sleep.
I remember feeling like things will never get easier.
I remember feeling happy that things got easier!
I remember the day she walked holding my hands.
I remember the day she was really poorly and I cried because I couldn't make her better.
I remember the day she ate a roast dinner and I felt like the proudest mama ever because I knew all the hard work with weaning had finally paid off.

I remember every single thing about her, her smell, the way her nose squishes when she gets really excited, the way her toes curl like mine, the way her fingernails are curved, the way her hair curls at the nape of her neck, the way she laughs at her Daddy, the way she rubs her eyes when shes tired, the way she flaps her arms when shes flustered, the way her lip curls when shes really sad and the way her eyes puff when shes really happy.

Most of all, I remember that she is my baby daughter, she was made in my belly and I brought her into this world safe and sound. 

Happy 1 Year Birthday Violet





(Pre)Birthday Party

I am writing this on the morning of Violet's birthday, the day before her actual birthday. 
Tomorrow, my little baby turns one year old. I can't help but feel nostalgic and a little sad. How did one year pass so quickly? Yet also, it feels like a lifetime ago that she arrived in our world and became a part of our family! 
Today we are having a party for her. Our friends and (some of) our family are coming to celebrate with us. 
I have been planning it for a while now. There is a purple and yellow colour theme with the occassional rabbit thrown in for good measure.
We have balloons, streamers, lots of toys for the kids (there are 13 coming!) a bbq, a gazebo, blankets for picnics, a tiny house (courtesy of Ant's parents!) a sand & water table, a birthday flag (yes, really), bunny bunting and a homemade birthday cake crafted by my own fair hands.
My first guests are arriving now so I will sign off for now and report back afterwards...!

Well here I am, sitting down after a hectic yet awesome day. Violet is having her last bedtime bottle as an "11 month old" and I am feeling pretty strange! 
Today was brilliant. The kids had fun, a big old mess was made, we ate a lot of food (huge thanks to our brilliant Mum & Dad Slattery for the organising and cooking of the entire barbecue, a massive help to us, we can't thank you enough), we had no tantrums, the sun was shining, everything was just fantastic. 
Violet has a very generous stack of presents to open in the morning, something I am most excited about, as, lets face it, me or Ant will be opening most of them!
Huge thank you to all who came and thank you for your generous gifts. We hope you had a lovely time, we feel very lucky to have such wonderful friends and family to share memories like this with. 

Bye for now my pretties...

Monday 10 June 2013

The Maternity End is Nigh

Today is four weeks until I go back to work.
I feel a tad conflicted about it but I'm excited for the following reasons:
• Hopefully we'll have a bit more spare cash;
• Violet will thrive on being around other babies;
• I will have a whole lunch hour to myself (which has an added bonus in that I work in the centre of Leeds!);
• I can enjoy hot cups of tea; 
• I can have adult conversations; and
• I can go to the loo in peace!

However, I am not excited about the following:

• Being away from Violet;
• Having to do work when I will be thinking about all the housework left at home;
• Someone else taking care of my baby;
• The cost of childcare;
• Violet hitting milestones without me; and 
• Figuring out a new routine!

Granted the list of things I'm not looking forward to is mainly Violet related which hopefully shows that I'm not too bothered about my place of work. I don't get paid nearly half as much as I think I am worth, but I lack that switch that makes me demand more from myself.

Hopefully we will fit into our new routine fairly easily, (after a few manic weeks I'm sure!) and Violet will love being around other babies. I am secretly hoping they can crack getting her to feed herself with a spoon as I'm certainly fighting a losing battle with that one!

I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this blog is, but it has been a while since I have written something and thought I best crack on!

I guess my point is that yes I am sad that I won't get to see Violet all day, but at least (for now) I am only working Monday to Wednesday each week, which means I can still see my mummy friends who are also off work those days and I will still get some quality time with my daughter.

I'm not one for public gushing or "pretend" happiness (i.e. people that only blog about the good stuff!) but at the moment, Violet is pretty damn awesome, she giggles like a menace, she chatters non stop and she melts my heart just at the smell of her hair. These little things and so much more are what keep me going and they certainly won't be going away just because she'll be going to nursery. 
Also, I am not a bad mother because I'm looking forward to some free time, I'm just a normal person who needs a bit of time to zone out now and again.
It helps me to remember that. 


Monday 6 May 2013

A little week of happiness

I don't often think of doing blogs about my random day to day business but I've had a very rare but very lovely past week.
After going to see the wonderful kinesiology therapist Andrea, I felt a little glimmer of positivity trying to poke out of my otherwise rather gloomy view of myself.
So Wednesday my very good friend Kate came round with her awesome little boy Jake, who Violet loves playing with and they also like to give each other kisses which is ridiculously cute! We went for lunch together followed by a walk around Roundhay Lake whilst putting the world to rights and let the babies have a play in the park. All in all it was a very lovely day indeed.
Also, Wednesday night was a little more successful with V's sleeping, not awesome, but better.
Thursday morning I packed up the pram and baby bag and hiked into town on the peasant wagon (aka: the bus) and did a little shopping for a first birthday preset, stuff for V and secret presents for my best friend's baby who is very excitingly due in September. We met up with Rach (the bestie due in Sept- and yes I hid the presents!) and went fabric hunting in the market for her baby blanket project and sat and had lollies in the sun, it was lovely.
Violet and I sat in the garden when we got home and just chilled out, she was a happy little bundle all day.
Thursday brought a bit of sadness too though as my mam told me that unfortunately she wasn't going to be able to come over from Canada this year as I had hoped, so naturally, I was pretty gutted. If it is 2014 when she next comes then Violet will be almost (if not older than) 2 years old. Given that mam last saw Violet when she was four months old, this will be quite a jump! Anyway, Positive Mental Attitude and a bit of calming thoughts and all that...etc etc blah blah blah!
Thursday night, much better sleep, a few wake ups but ok.
Friday I drove over to see my lovely friend Nicola. She has recently broken her arm during a skiing trip and has been housebound so Violet and I thought we would visit her to cheer her up. Violet was good as gold all day. Seeing as I was pretty close to where my in-laws live, I thought I would pop in to say hello on the way home so Violet got to see her Grandparents for an hour which was great as we haven't seen them in a while as they've been housebound with training a new puppy (Oscar- he is the cutest puppy ever!)
Friday night was a good night, Violet slept a lot better with just one big wake up.
Saturday we sort of lazed around in the morning and Ant refused to let me do any housework (I didn't argue!) so we just pottered about then got ready to go to our friends' baby's naming ceremony. I've never been to one before so wasn't sure how to dress or what to expect but it was lovely, quite informal, lots of people and a good buffet and even more awesome cakes made by Laura, the little boy (another friend of Violet's) is called George so there was a George and the Dragon theme going on which was cute.
Violet crawled around in any space she could find and wanted to be helped to walk everywhere so Ant and I were pooped by the end!
Saturday night was great, Ant and I watched a film and he made us a lovely tea, but Violet decided to wake up 12-1am which was not so lovely!
Sunday we headed off bright and early to Ant's parents for the day. Heather (my MIL) and I popped out to buy a travel high chair to keep at their house and also had a sneaky peek in Mothercare and got V some clothes for her holidays. We all had fish and chips for our lunch and V was quite entertaining at the table, bashing her fork and blowing raspberries at everyone!
Heather took V out for a walk so she could nap a bit, Ant and Bernard (my FIL) had a snooze and I perused Heather's knitting and quilting books and post-it noted a few (erm, about 10!?) that I liked!
We had a lovely time catching up and chatting about Violet's progress and Heather showed me some of her projects she's got on the go, she's really into quilting at the moment and told me she is making me a Cath Kidston fabric patchwork quilt and an Amy Butler bag, very exciting! She puts me to shame with how well she cracks on with things and how neat she is!
So we headed back home and pretty much flopped once Violet had gone to bed, we watched a load of naff tv and went to bed early.
We had an awesome night's sleep with just one teeny quick wake up, and a 6:30am wake up call, only problem is that once you get a good sleep like that, your body craves more and you end up more knackered than when you've had a rubbish night's sleep!
Which brings me to today. Which has been a very productive and lovely day. We got up early and V and I went off to tesco for ingredients for tea, I also may have purchased a pop-up ball pool and a bag of balls for a bargain £8, they turned out to be quite a hit though!
We popped in to say hello to Rach on the way home and she took some cute photos. While I was out Ant had done about a million chores (unprompted I might add!), I think he was on a mission as he'd already had a beer and was sipping the wine I didn't like at lunch time: Whatever works!
We lazed about in the garden while V napped and our landlord came round to fix the washing machine which had conked out, this resulted in a flooded kitchen floor and a very soggy load of towels! On the plus side we are now getting a new washing machine but we have a towel stuck in the current one!
I made kedgeree (a curry rice dish with haddock and eggs, sounds rank but is delish!), Violet had it for her dinner and loved it which always makes me happy when she loves the food I cook for her. I have also made sticky sausage burgers with mozarella balls inside for mine and Ant's tea, they are currently in the oven. Violet is now fast asleep, so once the washing is done I will enjoy a nice evening with my lovely husband and hope for a good night's sleep, if that doesn't happen then it's nothing we can't cope with 😊
Bye for now x

Tuesday 30 April 2013

Kinesiology

So this morning I am off to see a Kinesiology therapist (http://www.andreakerridge.co.uk/page2.html)
I have a friend who also has this treatment and given how I don't really agree with the prescribed incessant pill popping when you tell the doctor that you're having a particularly blue couple of months, I thought this was worth a try.
I'm remaining open minded rather than dismissing it for being a bit "hippy dippy", so hopefully this lovely lady will help me rebalance myself a little and then my head and heart can be all sunny again ready for the (rumoured) summer!

Fingers crossed

Sunday 21 April 2013

To sleep, perchance to dream

So this week has been, well, horrendous.
I myself had a pretty bad start feeling particularly run down/lonely/pathetic.
Monday was an ok day, relatively normal.

Tuesday, again, day was ok, but at midnight that night, BAM, the wailing started. literally on and off until 7am. Worried was not the word. Note: Violet isn't (or at least hasn't been up until now) a big crier.

Wednesday morning was a particularly slow period, Violet napped with me at lunch time and when she woke up she seemed really out of sorts. She was just sat with me quietly and then she just went all limp and lifeless, needless to say my stomach turned as she was really unresponsive and I ran upstairs with her to get the thermometer, her temperature was 41.5, so as you can imagine I panicked and was shaking like a leaf while trying to carry my baby. I quickly called the doctors and got an appointment for an hour later. I called Ant at work and asked him to come home so I could get the car, he said he would leave right away. I stripped Violet off completely and put her in a cool/lukewarm bath and wet her hair to help cool her down, she cried because obviously it was a bit cold and she was so warm, I felt terrible. I got the calpol and tried to give her some. She is becoming very reluctant to being fed medicine now so this was quite a challenge. I must have only got half a dose down her. I made her a drink and tried to get her to sip it. Ant arrived shortly after this and she sat with him quietly and I had a very long quiet cry.
We left for the doctors and her temperature was still a little high, I was still shaking. He said he thought she might have a little throat infection and prescribed antibiotics and rest. In my head I was thinking "how am I going to get her to take it if she won't even have calpol?!" The doctor was so lovely, trying to calm me down by making it all light hearted and joking thay maybe she might grow a third leg if I gave her antibiotics!
We got the medicine and went home.
That night was pretty rough. She got upset when we tried give her medicine but had most of her bottle and went to bed easily. I had another very long cry!
She woke up at around 1am and was really upset, like inconsolable. Ant ended up asleep with her in the chair in her nursery for a while until he put her back in her cot and she slept until 6am.

Thursday was an awful day, I was so tired as I hadn't slept from worrying. She was tetchy all day and I was too exhausted to go for a walk. She cried every time I tried to leave the room, like the moment I stood up to go somewhere she started moaning, and pretty much didn't stop all day. Needless to say I was happy to have Ant home at 4:30.
Thursday night was awful again. She went to bed fine and woke at 11 in a frantic state screaming to be picked up. We tried settling her and putting her back to bed but she would just cry her heart out the moment we put her down. We tried for ages to get her to sleep with us but because she's not used to it, she doesn't settle easily. Ant ended up with her sleeping with him in the spare room until 4am, then I took her in with me as she was dozy and Ant hadn't really slept so she napped with me until 7am.

By Friday I was ready to put my head through a wall so I got showered, dressed and ready and hiked up to Aycliffe (where I'm from) to see whoever was free! Violet was really good all day. We went to see my brother James and Violet met Flossy my westie dog which she loved. We then walked to meet my friend Jemma outside my old primary school as she was being a stand-in dinner lady that day, we walked to pick her little boy Riley up from her mam's house (everywhere is walkable in Aycliffe, its awesome) then we walked into town and sat in a cafe for a drink and a catch up. We haven't seen each other in donkey years and we both had babies at around the same time so we have kept in touch via texts and facebook quite a bit. The babies were happy and played and shared toys together.
I then took Violet to my Dad's shop in the town as he was going to do Violet's passport photos for me and I picked a frame and mount for a cross stitch that I finished for Violet (they make frames at his shop). Again, she was good as gold and charmed all the customers as well as her Grandad.
I was quietly hopeful that Friday night would be a good one because she'd had a good day. When we got home she was a bit sleepy but generally ok and ate most of her dinner. She was happy in her bath like she usually is and had her bottle and went to sleep and was out for the count by 7:30pm.
We had the same problem of waking at around midnight, screaming, crying, wanting to be cuddled, until the small hours, once again, exhausted.

Saturday we decided not to mope around the house so got ready and drove up to Otley. We parked at the Chevin Forest and sauntered down into the town. It was a lovely day. We sat outside a pub to give Violet her lunch and had a drink, wandered around a bit more and ended up by a lake where we saw a black swan which I have never seen before. We hiked up the massive hill back to the car (Violet was asleep by this point) we sat quietly to recuperate while Violet napped (we must be really unfit but in our defence the hill was huge and we were pushing a pram and carrying bags) and talked about how we would try and deal with her sleeping issues and how we would try and keep each other sane, and once she was awake we drove home. We hoped because she'd had a nice day that maybe she will sleep well that night. Then we got home.
Then the whining started, and carried on until bathtime, by which time we were all a little bit fractious!
She was, again, happy in the bath and had half her bottle and some teetha granules, she had a bit of a whinge when she was put in her cot but fell asleep after about 10 minutes.
At 8:45pm she woke up and was crying uncontrollably. We attempted to do a bit of controlled crying until 9:30pm but to no avail. So Ant went up and settled her with him in the spare room and she was properly asleep by 10:15, so he put her back in her cot. She slept until 4:15 when she woke up hysterical again, so Ant took her in the spare room again and managed to get her off to sleep eventually and she slept until 7am. I, on the other hand, was awake for ages reading numerous articles online about sleep regression, pros and cons of controlled crying, bad sleep habits, pros and cons of co sleeping, needless to say I had a very over-worked brain! (Note: do not google your worries in the middle of the night, it just makes you feel worse!)

Which takes me to Sunday (today). We both woke up feeling stressed and a bit tetchy, we had friends coming at 11 to help take the weight off and play with Violet. Ant seemed completely pooped so I took Violet downstairs while he snoozed. She's been fairly happy all day, crawling around and playing, having a go on her swing and a few naps. It was really nice to have some friends come over to take our minds off feeling like zombies. Jo brought homemade reeces cupcakes for us which was lovely.
I feel quite anxious about how tonight is going to go. Ant is on call and at work tomorrow so I'm in charge tonight.

It's been a really, really hard week. Mainly because in the early weeks I worked really hard to make Violet contented and independent and she has always slept well since she was 10 weeks old, so naturally this is all a bit of a shock to the system. I really hope that it is a blip and hopefully it's either her teeth giving her problems or a temporary separation anxiety issue and will pass in time.
On top of this she has pretty much refused any food I have made her and all finger foods and will only eat the odd rice cake or blackberry for snacks, I resorted to jars or pouches of baby food, which she will eat in no time at all. Obviously, I also googled pros and cons of feeding babies jars of food, which obviously made me feel like a terrible parent!

Not everyone will know that I am quite a self-depricating person and generally lack in self esteem, this does not help with my day to day worries about Violet. This week has really heightened these feelings for me and I've had moments where I'm sure it's all my fault and moments where I feel like maybe I should leave and it will help Violet, all ridiculous I know, but when you're in the middle of a baby-blip, you're tired, your family are all far away, your friends aren't around, you have no self confidence and wonder why anyone would even want to be your friend, its very difficult to pull yourself out! I avoided social networks for most of the week, as really, when you feel this low, who wants to read/see photos of everyones "perfect" lives?! They were having a really negative effect on me, obviously this was just due to sleep deprivation and stress, but I just thought it best to keep them at arms length until things brighten up.

I have to add that Ant has been brilliant this week. I know he is really exhausted too, but he has been really understanding and is trying to get me to stop being hard on myself (an endless battle in this house!) thankfully we haven't argued this week, which is a testament to our relationship.
He has just taken her for her bath and has fed Violet her bedtime bottle, so I am going to do my nightly routine of tidying the kitchen, putting all the baby stuff away so our living room is ready for grown-ups chill out time. Then I am going to say a little prayer and hope to all the gods in this world that Violet is slightly more settled tonight. If she's not, I am going to do my best to suck up the anxiety, give her a cuddle and hope to the high heavens I don't get her into a dreaded "bad sleeping habit".
Here's to a new week...

Tuesday 19 February 2013

Ok, so I'm a Mother

Today I am not a Mammy, a Mum or Mama, but a Mother...

What has made me have this realisation? My daughter having her first proper illness.

Thinking about when it started, it was Monday lunchtime when Violet didn't want to eat any lunch, I thought she was just being fussy and naturally I was getting annoyed. So lunch was scrapped and she went for a short nap. She seemed ok in herself, if a little quiet but I was hopeful for a more successful dinner time, oh how wrong I was! Once again, more fussing, we tried different foods, new foods, finger foods, puree, in hindsight I now feel terrible at not realising something was wrong. So dinner was given up on and she went off for a bath. She had her usual 9oz bedtime bottle which she guzzled happily as always and went off to the land of nod easy peasy.
We went to bed early as we were both feeling poorly. At midnight I woke up hearing Ant rustling around in Violet's room, I simply thought she'd done a dirty nappy and he was changing her, I went to dim the light on my way to the bathroom and heard him say "Vic, come here something's wrong", when I entered and saw my baby covered in vomit, her cot covered in it, the walls covered in it, the remnants of an explosive nappy and vomit covered muslins on the floor, my heart dropped and a rush of panic washed over me.
Violet has only ever had a snuffly cold, which lasted no longer than a day and she always seemed completely unfazed by it all, this was somewhat different!
We cleaned her up, washed her hair, changed her bed and put all the dirty things straight in the wash. She had a few sips of water and went back off to sleep, she seemed quite happy and not at all bothered that she'd had bits of sweetcorn in her hair!
Half an hour later, *cough splutter barf* it happened again. Once again, we changed, cleaned, watered her and again put her back to bed after a cuddle. Ant made us cups of tea and we anticipated how little sleep we were going to get!
She woke again at 4:30 but she didn't seem to have anything left in her so it was just a coughing fit. She woke at 7:30 and we got her up and in bed with us for her morning bottle. She was very quiet, scarily so. We cuddled her and she drank a little milk. I called the doctor for advice and he told me to monitor her temperature and just keep offering her fluids and bland food if she wanted it. We brought her downstairs to see if she wanted some plain toast, she ate teeny bits. I offered her some bits of banana, she ate a couple and then started to get weepy. I took her upstairs for a nap, she seemed very keen to be in her bed (she loves her bed) and she slept for an hour. When I got her up I could tell instantly that she wasn't happy. She is usually so smiley and happy to see you but today she was sad with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to sit on the floor with her toys, all she wanted was to be cuddled. Unfortunately, Ant had to do work so I was on my own, already full of cold myself, having had around 3 hours sleep and needing my inhaler every four hours. She sat quietly on my lap for hours, nodding off for a little nap every now and again, she was so limp. We had been checking her temperature every hour or so (very glad we got our own thermometer!) and it was always normal. She never seemed in pain, just very tired and a bit sad. She had a few sips of water throughout the day and by lunchtime she seemed really fretful. I called the doctor and they made her an appointment for that afternoon. The doctor said she had a temperature of 38 degrees (she had been 36.4 all day) so we were prescribed paracetamol to reduce it. The doctor did say that whatever we had been doing, we had done well as Violet seemed happy, relaxed and hydrated, this was a bit of good news! We brought her home after picking up her prescription and I gave her the medicine straight away, she swallowed the lot.
We sat on the floor with her toys and I just watched her playing, she was still a bit weepy but every now and again she would smile and laugh. It was then that I realised I hadn't drank or eaten all day, I had completely forgotten, this was the moment I realised I was a Mother. I had been watching her like a hawk all day and quietly crying when she lay on me completely lifeless. She was so dependent on us both, all she wanted was for us to be with her or to cuddle her, constantly raising her arms to be lifted.
She's always such a placid, indepenent baby, it was a reality check to be reminded that she was still my tiny baby and it was my responsibility to make sure she was ok and to always put her needs before my own.
I'm sure I'll look back on this and laugh at how dramatic it all seemed, but as a new parent and seeing your baby really ill for the first time is a massive emotional rollercoaster. I can't bear the thought of her ever being seriously ill, I know this is probably a trivial illness compared to what some parents are going through, but for now, and for me, this was difficult enough.
Currently she is fast asleep after having her bottle, and I am nervously eating maltesers while watching the baby monitor and listening very closely to her breathing.
I know this is the first illness of many to come, but by heck this really wasn't fun!
Here's to a good night's sleep and a happier baby tomorrow.

Vic x







Tuesday 12 February 2013

Turning 30

So then, the big 30 crept up on me at the weekend! I haven't been scared or bothered about it, more just a feeling of "feck I'm halfway to 60!"

I'd asked Ant to plan something to celebrate. Not a massive thing with lots of expense, just something my friends could afford to attend and it not be too big a fuss. I gave him a list of my friends who I thought could practicably attend and left it at that.
On the morning of my birthday I woke up to cuddles with my gorgeous baby girl and a treasure hunt of presents, including a teeny penny farthing from Queen Victoria's reign, a Radio Times from the week I was born, a comic book cover of me depicted as a superhero called Black Canary drawn by my rather clever husband, an acorn charm to reflect my hometown as the acorn is its symbol, a Daily Prophet newspaper article all about my alternate ego's escapades at Hogwarts poisoning people and escaping Azkaban, and other silly presents which fitted into the treasure hunt theme of them being my "horcruxes" (did I mention I was a massive Harry Potter geek?!) One was even buried in the garden but obviously I made Ant go and get that one as it was freezing outside!

So that was lots of fun and I must express my thanks and love for my hubby at this point. He put so much effort into it all and each of my gifts were so thoughtful.

After all this excitement it was time to pack Baby V up ready to go to her grandparents as they had kindly offered to have her for the night so we could have a night off. It was Violet's first time being away from both of us and I was a little sad but she sees them a lot and apparenty was a complete dream, she ate well, slept well and played well, a very happy and proud mammy I was!
So we hiked it over to Manchester, stayed until she went down for a nap and scooted back to Leeds to get in party mode.
When we got home the house was so quiet and felt very empty! We tidied up a little and shortly afterwards my lovely friend Jo arrived. Not only had she brought me an amazing homemade birthday cake covered in little iced violets, but she had a milk jug made for me and she had hand painted a watercolour of violets and had it printed onto the jug along with the date of my 30th birthday inside, I was astonished that she went to so much trouble, it was really lovely.
We chilled out and chatted for a while and decided to crack open a bottle of pink champagne I got given when Violet was born, it was scrumptious! As it turns out getting ready and applying make up take a lot longer after a bottle of champers, but we got there eventually with eye liner intact! We lit my birthday candles and Jo and Ant sang me Happy Birthday, then Ant had to leave to do secret stuff at the venue. Rach and Rob came round shortly after and she got me my only helium balloon (I like to get balloons, then it really feels like a party!) and her mammy, whom I have also known since I was 9, had knitted me one of her classic retro fair isle jumpers! I was pretty chuffed to say the least! So then we all headed out to town.
I arrived and there was my lonesome husband sat in a corner adorned with bunting saying "Happy 30th Birthday Vic", flags with different photos of me on each one, numerous wall mounted photos of me depicted as the Queen and one of my lovely baby to make sure she was with us! The bar, called The Backroom, was fab. Its a fairly new bar on Call Lane and the staff were so helpful. They had filled a table with everything we needed to make gin & tonics and also included some old fashioned sweets which we all scoffed! The music was fab and they played numerous requests, although I drank too much gin to remember them all but I do remember my request of No Diggity coming on and being rather excited!
The night consisted of catching up with all my lovely friends, hearing their exciting news, getting some lovely gifts, free jaegerbombs, a bit of crying, a bit of dancing, shouting at a young trashy tart (she shouted first!) and wobbling home and eating a homemade paella pizza as the takeaway had shut! All in all, a successful day and night!
Needless to say the next day consisted of being in a daze, eating dirty mcdonalds breakfast, having to drive in the snow over to Manchester to pick Violet up, coming home and going to bed shortly after Violet did! So yes, Sunday was a write off!

Once again, thank you to my lovely friends for coming and celebrating my birthday. Thank you for all my lovely gifts. Thanks to Jo for my cake and helping Ant in planning and making all the decorations. Most of all thank you to my wonderful and thoughtful husband for making my 30th very special and making sure I had a great time, which I did.

ttfn, Vic




















Monday 4 February 2013

Climbing up the Walls

Hello Again

Time for some honest writing about being sad! *waves goodbye to some readers*!

At present I am a little glum (please don't sigh). I always knew not living near family and having a baby would be hard and something I can't change but lately I guess I've been finding it harder than usual, I have friends in Leeds but I lack a support network that you only get from family. I try not to moan about it too much, infact, I think I bottle a lot up, but last week it all just came pouring out!

Because of all of this we have been seriously discussing moving. We're unsure where at the moment but we know that we have to be in a chosen area a year before Violet starts school, as it wouldn't be fair to move Violet into different schools. We want to be somewhere she can be settled.

The question is where?! I have family and close friends in the north east, also some family I could really reconnect with which would be nice. The drawback? My sister would be even further away, Ant's parents also further away and that there aren't many jobs up there!
Then there is the option of moving nearer Ant's parents. We have a couple of friends that way and Ant could possibly transfer his existing job there. The drawback. We can't afford to live in the better areas, certainly nowhere that close to his parents.
Moving south doesn't really feel like something either of us want to do. We only really know my sister and her family down there and as lovely as it would be to see her a lot, I would really miss my friends. So the dilemma continues! Decisions need to be made, even if it means moving just out of Leeds to a smaller village or town, we need to figure it out soon!

My lovely friend Jo came to my rescue on Saturday night. I had called her that afternoon in somewhat of a stressed pickle (rather stupidly over trying to find a party outfit for my birthday!) which then proceeded to escalate into a full on sobfest and the realisation that my outburst wasn't really over an outfit at all. She turned up on my doorstep a couple of hours later to surprise me and helped me figure out how to sort my stupid brain out. Hence the blog of spilling it all out! We talked about the negative things and addressed what can be done to help the bits that I can change and I just need to try and accept the things I can't change (these are the things that stress me out the most!)
She says I need to talk about the positive things in my life out loud and remind myself of them every day. I also thought that just letting it all out and being honest about how much of a pleb I am being (that's me making light of depression!) might actually start to help.

I'm sure some people reading this will be thinking I sound like a right misery guts. Well, I'm not apologising! I find if you don't let these things out then they start to eat you away from the inside, so this is my first step into helping myself get better! I'm not after any pity, I certainly don't enjoy moaning or feeling like this, I don't want anyone to say "oh I'm sorry you feel like this" I'm sure those who are reading this will know how to help me in their own ways, the same way I try to help them.

I promise this will be my only "woe is me" blog. I just wanted to put it out there that yes I am really rather sad of late, I need to cut out the people/things that make me sadder, work on the relationships that I do love, accept the things I cannot change will not change for me and work on changing the things I can. People won't do any of this for me, I must do it for myself. I will become less of a doormat and be more assertive about what I want and need out of life.

You get back what you put in through life, and this I must relay to myself as a new mantra!

Phew, now that that's over, I will think of a more enlightening blog for next time!

Bye for now




Wednesday 30 January 2013

Birth! (it's a long one!)

Hello again!

My friend Heather (Little Tin Bird) has encouraged me to write about my birth, mainly for historical reference in that one day Baby V might have a baby of her own and I'm sure/hopeful(!) she'll be interested to know how she came into this world.  Heather has written fantastic blogs about her baby, Tiny Tin Bird, and every time I read them, I get a little pang of guilt that I haven't recorded anything about Baby V, which is probably the main reason I started blogging in the first place.

So here goes the (heavily edited) story about my birth:

My contractions started on my due date at around 3pm, they were only mild to begin with and only every 15/20 minutes apart so I only told Ant as I didn't want everyone else to get too excited! My friend Rachel was due to come round for dinner that night so I didn't bother cancelling as I thought I could manage my contractions without letting on. I did keep discreetly logging my contractions on my labour app though just to keep on track. They left at around 10:30pm and at around 11pm I had a "show" and rang the hospital, then suddenly the contractions became around 7/10 minutes apart, needless to say getting any sleep was off the agenda! I decided to tell family and close friends that I was in labour and in hindsight I kind of wish I hadn't as I don't think many of them had much sleep after that!
 
We drove to the hospital at 8:30am where I was assessed, I was only 1cm dilated and my contractions were too sporadic so they sent me home. I spent most of the day trying to have power naps in between contractions and Ant kneaded my back during each one like there was no tomorrow. I had two baths which I was in for about an hour each time, I found being in the warm water really helpful. I was getting texts and calls all day which kept switching my contraction timer off so I was getting a bit flustered. Aside from that I didn't have any energy to chat as I'd still not slept and was trying to keep as much energy as I could for the hard part. We watched various tv programmes though I can't remember much about them, funny thing about contractions is that they switch your entire brain off from other thoughts other than the thought of "OWWWWW!!", I could barely speak during them!

I attempted to eat some toast and porridge but the toast ended up cold and in the bin and the porridge made a reappearance in my kitchen sink (contractions hurt that much!) I rang the hospital out of desperation at 8pm even though I knew my contractions weren't regular enough (3/5/7 mins apart) and they told me I could come down but that the labour ward was closed due to full capacity, it was then that I had a little panic as I really wanted a water birth and the other hospital doesn't have water birth facilities, I really didn't want to be stuck on a bed! Anyway they said I could come down and be assessed and hopefully they'll be open again once I reach the right stage.

So off we went back to the hospital where I was assessed again, to be told I was a measly 1-2 cm dilated! Only another 1cm in 12 hours?! Geez I was miffed! They said I could go home again or I could wait in the assessment ward for up to two hours, I chose to stay as I couldn't bear getting back in the car and going home, I didn't want to go home until I had a baby to come with me goddamit! So we waited in the assessment ward, which felt like forever. I don't know what the midwife had done but my contractions were coming thick and fast and hurt a hell of a lot more than before, which I thought was impossible! She gave me some cocodamol which helped a bit, but not much. I found the whole being stuck on a bed thing really draining, I was in a teeny space with a curtain for privacy and felt really claustrophobic. I was on the bed-off the bed-on the-bed constantly, sometimes squatting on the floor, leaning over a chair, squeezing Ant's arms, whatever I could do to help the tension! The worst bit was when Ant went to the car to get the bags and put more money on the meter, I felt very scared being on my own and even though it was only for 20 minutes it felt like hours! By this time all thoughts of a water birth and no pain relief had left my mind and all I kept thinking was "I'm going to need an epidural" and there was no question about it. Those two hours were the most painful in all of my life!
Anyhoo, two hours had passed and the Nurse came back and assessed me again, and wahoooo I was 5cm and ready to go to delivery AND they were reopened! However since I had mentioned epidural about 500 times, they took me to a normal delivery room with the option of the bath, I got in the room and I knew it wasn't right. I mentioned the new water birth room (for those who watch One Born Every Minute it's the one that Myleene Klass opened) and she said she'd rather keep that for someone who definitely wanted a water birth. Ant then said to me "you've wanted a water birth since the word go, you said you never wanted drugs, are you sure you want to pass on a water birth?" I knew he was right, I had always wanted to birth my baby myself in the water so I told the nurse to ignore my requests for an epidural (she later said she wouldn't have let me have one anyway as I was a "star"!) and off I went to the swanky shiny new birthing pool!

The room was brilliant, there was a bed, the pool, dim lights, underwater lighting, sparkly lights on the ceiling, a comfy chair lovely photos of cute babies and a lovely big bathroom. My midwife Kathy (she was a legend!) ran the water straight away so I could carry on dilating in the water rather than on the bed as I may have mentioned how much I hated being on the bed! I was sooo relieved to get in the water, the bath is about 1.25m deep so enough to bob around in which made me feel quite light for the first time in months! Kathy offered me gas and air which I found didn't really do anything for the pain but with me being asthmatic I found using the mouthpiece to control my breathing was what helped the most, that and biting on it during the contractions! After about 2 hours in the water, I think I lost the will to live! The pains were longer and the urge to push was really quite overwhelming, I kept asking to come out the water and that I couldn't do it anymore and I needed pain relief. Both Ant and Kathy kept telling me that I was doing really well and that if I could manage a little longer then I would get my wish of having a water birth. I think I grumbled a fair bit but while Kathy was checking me she said she could feel the top of my baby's head, so I checked too and she was right! I felt a firm 50p coin sized area of what could only be described as a piece of firm fuzzy felt (her hair as it turned out!) and, well, that was it really, my motivation was back! I wanted to see my baby RIGHT NOW so I controlled my breathing, did some pushing, broke the rest of my waters and an hour or so later, at 2:47am she was out!
 
I delivered her myself, something I'm still pretty chuffed about, and the first thing I said to her was "Hello Violet, I'm your mammy and there's your daddy". I sat there for a good 20 minutes before she got taken to be cleaned up and dried, it was so lovely. I was in so much pain and felt like I'd been kicked in the crotch with a tree branch, but I didn't care. She was here, eyes closed and curled up in a teeny ball on my tummy rather than inside it. She did the smallest of cries and just went to sleep on me while I sat there with her under my top. I remember Ant pacing the room all emotional and not knowing what to do, so we got her cord ready and he cut that, he was scared he was going to cut her and was trembling with nerves. Kathy cleaned her up and wrapped her in blankets and gave her to Ant to hold.




I must write my appreciation for my midwife as if it wasn't for her (and Ant) I wouldn't have gotten through it, she was such a good motivator and kept nicely kicking my butt when it needed kicking. I probably would have given in on a water birth if it wasn't for her and she kept me calm the whole time and let me do the whole birthing moment all by myself. She was very kind and kept applauding me for doing so well and not crying or screaming!

So I got out the pool, feeling like Bambi learning to walk again as I don't think I had any energy left! I was hoisted into the bed and wrapped in blankets to warm up and passed my baby back so I could feed her. I'll never forget what it felt like to breastfeed her for the first time, it was very natural and I couldn't quite believe that she knew what to do straight away! I doubt she got much from me as I hadn't eaten in days but she seemed to enjoy staying there! Ant sat next to me staring at her and taking photos and we wrote a message to send to our friends and family (it was a bit late/early to be calling people).
I needed a shower desperately as I felt a bit minging by this point. A different midwife called Naomi was looking after me at this point and she said if wanted a shower to have Ant stay in the bathroom with me just in case, which I thought was a bit unnecessary at the time as I felt completely fine, just a bit tired. So off I went to the shower with my toiletries, quite excited about being clean and moisturised again! I felt a little light headed as I was turning the shower off, which I thought was because of the heat, so Ant helped me out and sat me on a chair while he went to get me a biscuit which I had asked for to help my sugar levels. Now, this is where I resort to Ant for details as I don't remember what happened next. Apparently, Ant came back and my eyes were completely glazed over and he was trying to pass me the biscuit but I just stared at him and my eyes rolled into the back of my head, then I swayed off the chair and Ant had to catch me, I had passed out. He said because I was fresh out the shower that I was too slippy to hold, plus the fact I was a dead weight he couldn't hold me so put me down on the floor in the recovery position. He said he looked in my mouth and couldn't see my tongue and was worried I had swallowed it, which is when he panicked. He pressed the emergency buttons on the wall but nobody was coming so he ran out into the corridor and shouted for help and about five or six midwives came running. All I remember is waking up, seeing a blonde lady in my face and for a split second I had forgotten I'd had a baby and thought I'd just nodded off at home for a nap! Then I realised there was more than one midwife, that I was naked, cold and wet and that Ant was there, white as a sheet and looking VERY freaked out and upset. Then I was told that I'd had "a little fall", I was getting my blood pressure checked and was assured I was OK, I was just a bit exhausted and that a 36 hour labour, no food, no sleep, losing blood and giving birth had taken its toll on me! They asked me if I knew where I was, which I did, and I could hear them asking Ant if I had anything to wear, I called out that I had new "post birth special M&S pjs" and they laughed and said I must be OK if I can be thinking about that! They stood me up, dried me off, helped me get dressed and put me in a wheelchair and forbid me to walk until my shakes had gone. They brought me extra toast which Ant ate most of and lots of cups of tea which definitely helped. As soon as we were alone Ant burst into tears bless him, he was so worried and after all the emotion of seeing me in labour, I think it was all a bit much for him!

We were allowed to stay in our nice room for quite a while so we waited until around 9am. We packed up and I was wheeled off carrying Baby V down to the post-natal ward, where I was promised some sleep (hahaha!) Ant helped me unpack my stuff and I fed Baby V again, then he left to go home, I told him to get a taxi as he was too tired to drive but it turns out he drove anyway and got stuck in a diversion so only made it home in time for an hour long nap as my sister turned up after that!
I got really emotional when I was alone, Violet slept for hours and I just watched her sleep. Her skin looked like velvet and she kept flexing her tiny fingers. Her eyes were squished closed and she sort of looked a little Chinese! I'd dressed her in what now seems like a tiny onesie but it was baggy and enormous on her, she was also wearing a tiny cotton hat and I swaddled her in her blanket. I kept crying on and off all day, I wanted to squeeze her close to me all day but thought she deserved the sleep. The nurses in Delivery kept telling me I would get some sleep in PN Ward, they must be mad as all I could hear was screaming babies and kept getting numerous nurses, the hearing test lady and the Bounty lady popping in every 20 minutes! So needless to say I got no sleep which was a nightmare as I hadn't slept for three nights already! So then my sister, the in-laws and Ant came to visit me on the first visiting session, my sister arriving in floods of happy tears and telling me she felt she had a responsibility to be here for me which was rather lovely of her. My mother in law (MIL) was a little overwhelmed and just stared at Baby V the whole time, she looked quite besotted. My father in law (FIL) had a little cry while cuddling her, they kept saying how she was the best thing to happen to them in a long time and kept thanking me which made me rather misty eyed to say the least! They were only allowed to stay for two hours so they left but Ant stayed with me to help me go to the bathroom and get me some food as I was starving and never managed to eat my lunch as Violet kept waking every time I tried to eat!

My best friend Rachel (who also blogs: Rewarding Memories) and Rob came to see us during the second visiting hours. Rach brought me some sweets and a newspaper for me to keep for Violet so she can see what happened on the day she was born. They had cuddles and took pictures. It must have been strange for her seeing me with a baby as we have BFF's since we were nine years old! Ant went with them when they left as he didn't have the car, so I was left again to get my stuff ready and get dressed, which was a mission in itself! The physiotherapy lady came to check Violet as you're not allowed to leave until that is done, she got the all clear. The midwife came to check I was OK feeding (you're not allowed to go until they're happy you can feed the baby yourself) and I was told I was allowed to leave, hurrah! So at 8:30pm I was off home! Ant carried Violet in her car seat and I managed to carry a bag and my "baby girl" balloon. Violet and I waited for Ant to bring the car round, and I remember catching my reflection and having no bump (well, a smaller squishier version!) felt very strange! Ant drove like an old man the entire journey home and I just took pictures of Violet in her little hat wrapped in her blanket all sleepy and snuggly. Then we were home with our perfect little bundle of joy and the fun was just about to begin...!

 

Thursday 24 January 2013

Hello there, cyberspace!


My name is Vic, I am 30 years old and have been married since Sept 2010 to my amazing husband Ant. We live in Leeds (despite neither of us being from here) and we have a 6 month old baby daughter called Violet (or Baby V as she will be affectionately called on here).

A few of my friend's have inspired me into doing a blog, mainly as a memory for the future. I am thinking that this will consist of useless day to day babbling and from time to time an update of my gorgeous baby daughter (for my mum to read mainly!).

I'm not really sure where to begin with this, I kind of wonder why anyone would want to know anything about me! I don't knit, I don't scrapbook, I don't climb mountains or go sky diving. I can sew pretty well but my tiredness and love of sitting down sort of overrides this! I am quite into cross stitching at the moment, even though it may sound like something your Grandma does, I highly recommend it for those who find knitting and the more "creative" hobbies a struggle to get their heads around and for those who simply don't have the energy or the time to go climbing/walking/sailing as their hobby! Cross stitching is easy to follow, takes a bit of time, is quite relaxing and you get something pretty at the end, sounds good to me! I also like to take photographs, not professionally I must admit, but my Dad is forever trying to teach me how to use my posh camera so hopefully I will get better!

A friend told me writing blogs has made her do more in her day to day life and that writing blogs has become a hobby in itself, so there we go, my new hobby can be writing nonsensical babble!

I guess a good place to start would be to tell you about my daughter, Baby V. Well, we wanted to start a family straight after we got married in 2010 but financially that just wasn't possible, we needed to move to a more appropriate house as we lived in a flat, Ant needed to learn to drive, we needed a more "practical" car as I drove a classic Mini (something I still regret selling!) and most importantly, we needed to save some money! I probably bang on about saving money far too much, but I think my drill-sergeant sister has calculated my finances to the death, I can't moan though as if she hadn't we'd have ignored being sensible and royally screwed ourselves, so thank you dearest sister!

So we moved house on the Royal Wedding weekend in 2011, Ant started learning to drive, I sold the Mini that summer *sob*, we bought an Astra *yawn*, celebrated our first wedding anniversary, and then decided to try for a baby, exciting times! Little did I know that it would happen a lot faster than we thought, and on 21 October 2011, we found out we were pregnant, wahoo!

In short, my pregnancy consisted of, us getting burgled and me getting very stressed, extremely bad morning sickness over the whole of Christmas, horrid hormonal skin problems, feeling very self conscious about my changing shape, worrying that my baby would suddenly go away, not worrying about the labour (nope, not one bit, honest), finding out she was a girl, struggling during the heatwaves and having to stand naked in my work toilet cubicles to cool down, keeping active, lots of kegels, giant boobs, giant ar$e and most importantly, a giant bump!

I had a month off before my baby was due which I spent mainly baking, cleaning, decorating, sunbathing, shopping and visiting my friends, basically making the most of my freedom for the last time!

On Thursday 28 June (the day before I was due), I made Jamie Oliver's 30 minute mushroom risotto (it was amazing and highly recommended!) and we went on a really long walk around Roundhay Park and I climbed both up and down 150 steps in the hope of helping the baby come on time.

The next day (my due date) I thought my water had broke slightly in the morning but nothing happened after that. Then at 3pm I had what felt like a period pain which lasted for about a minute. I tried not to get too excited so just sat and waited, then 15 minutes later I had another one, so then I got a bit excited! I rang Ant as he was at work, he said he would come home just to be on the safe side. By the time he arrived home, I'd had three more contractions!

And so the story of my labour begins, which deserves its very own blog, so until next time, by for now...!