The Maternity End is Nigh

Today is four weeks until I go back to work.

I feel a tad conflicted about it but I'm excited for the following reasons:

• Hopefully we'll have a bit more spare cash;

• Violet will thrive on being around other babies;

• I will have a whole lunch hour to myself (which has an added bonus in that I work in the centre of Leeds!);

• I can enjoy hot cups of tea; 

• I can have adult conversations; and

• I can go to the loo in peace!

However, I am not excited about the following:

• Being away from Violet;

• Having to do work when I will be thinking about all the housework left at home;

• Someone else taking care of my baby;

• The cost of childcare;

• Violet hitting milestones without me; and 

• Figuring out a new routine!

Granted the list of things I'm not looking forward to is mainly Violet related which hopefully shows that I'm not too bothered about my place of work. I don't get paid nearly half as much as I think I am worth, but I lack that switch that makes me demand more from myself.

Hopefully we will fit into our new routine fairly easily, (after a few manic weeks I'm sure!) and Violet will love being around other babies. I am secretly hoping they can crack getting her to feed herself with a spoon as I'm certainly fighting a losing battle with that one!

I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this blog is, but it has been a while since I have written something and thought I best crack on!

I guess my point is that yes I am sad that I won't get to see Violet all day, but at least (for now) I am only working Monday to Wednesday each week, which means I can still see my mummy friends who are also off work those days and I will still get some quality time with my daughter.

I'm not one for public gushing or "pretend" happiness (i.e. people that only blog about the good stuff!) but at the moment, Violet is pretty damn awesome, she giggles like a menace, she chatters non stop and she melts my heart just at the smell of her hair. These little things and so much more are what keep me going and they certainly won't be going away just because she'll be going to nursery. 

Also, I am not a bad mother because I'm looking forward to some free time, I'm just a normal person who needs a bit of time to zone out now and again.

It helps me to remember that.