Hello Again
Time for some honest writing about being sad! *waves goodbye to some readers*!
At present I am a little glum (please don't sigh). I always knew not living near family and having a baby would be hard and something I can't change but lately I guess I've been finding it harder than usual, I have friends in Leeds but I lack a support network that you only get from family. I try not to moan about it too much, infact, I think I bottle a lot up, but last week it all just came pouring out!
Because of all of this we have been seriously discussing moving. We're unsure where at the moment but we know that we have to be in a chosen area a year before Violet starts school, as it wouldn't be fair to move Violet into different schools. We want to be somewhere she can be settled.
The question is where?! I have family and close friends in the north east, also some family I could really reconnect with which would be nice. The drawback? My sister would be even further away, Ant's parents also further away and that there aren't many jobs up there!
Then there is the option of moving nearer Ant's parents. We have a couple of friends that way and Ant could possibly transfer his existing job there. The drawback. We can't afford to live in the better areas, certainly nowhere that close to his parents.
Moving south doesn't really feel like something either of us want to do. We only really know my sister and her family down there and as lovely as it would be to see her a lot, I would really miss my friends. So the dilemma continues! Decisions need to be made, even if it means moving just out of Leeds to a smaller village or town, we need to figure it out soon!
My lovely friend Jo came to my rescue on Saturday night. I had called her that afternoon in somewhat of a stressed pickle (rather stupidly over trying to find a party outfit for my birthday!) which then proceeded to escalate into a full on sobfest and the realisation that my outburst wasn't really over an outfit at all. She turned up on my doorstep a couple of hours later to surprise me and helped me figure out how to sort my stupid brain out. Hence the blog of spilling it all out! We talked about the negative things and addressed what can be done to help the bits that I can change and I just need to try and accept the things I can't change (these are the things that stress me out the most!)
She says I need to talk about the positive things in my life out loud and remind myself of them every day. I also thought that just letting it all out and being honest about how much of a pleb I am being (that's me making light of depression!) might actually start to help.
I'm sure some people reading this will be thinking I sound like a right misery guts. Well, I'm not apologising! I find if you don't let these things out then they start to eat you away from the inside, so this is my first step into helping myself get better! I'm not after any pity, I certainly don't enjoy moaning or feeling like this, I don't want anyone to say "oh I'm sorry you feel like this" I'm sure those who are reading this will know how to help me in their own ways, the same way I try to help them.
I promise this will be my only "woe is me" blog. I just wanted to put it out there that yes I am really rather sad of late, I need to cut out the people/things that make me sadder, work on the relationships that I do love, accept the things I cannot change will not change for me and work on changing the things I can. People won't do any of this for me, I must do it for myself. I will become less of a doormat and be more assertive about what I want and need out of life.
You get back what you put in through life, and this I must relay to myself as a new mantra!
Phew, now that that's over, I will think of a more enlightening blog for next time!
Bye for now
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