Birth! (it's a long one!)

Hello again!

My friend Heather (Little Tin Bird) has encouraged me to write about my birth, mainly for historical reference in that one day Baby V might have a baby of her own and I'm sure/hopeful(!) she'll be interested to know how she came into this world.  Heather has written fantastic blogs about her baby, Tiny Tin Bird, and every time I read them, I get a little pang of guilt that I haven't recorded anything about Baby V, which is probably the main reason I started blogging in the first place.

So here goes the (heavily edited) story about my birth:

My contractions started on my due date at around 3pm, they were only mild to begin with and only every 15/20 minutes apart so I only told Ant as I didn't want everyone else to get too excited! My friend Rachel was due to come round for dinner that night so I didn't bother cancelling as I thought I could manage my contractions without letting on. I did keep discreetly logging my contractions on my labour app though just to keep on track. They left at around 10:30pm and at around 11pm I had a "show" and rang the hospital, then suddenly the contractions became around 7/10 minutes apart, needless to say getting any sleep was off the agenda! I decided to tell family and close friends that I was in labour and in hindsight I kind of wish I hadn't as I don't think many of them had much sleep after that!
 We drove to the hospital at 8:30am where I was assessed, I was only 1cm dilated and my contractions were too sporadic so they sent me home. I spent most of the day trying to have power naps in between contractions and Ant kneaded my back during each one like there was no tomorrow. I had two baths which I was in for about an hour each time, I found being in the warm water really helpful. I was getting texts and calls all day which kept switching my contraction timer off so I was getting a bit flustered. Aside from that I didn't have any energy to chat as I'd still not slept and was trying to keep as much energy as I could for the hard part. We watched various tv programmes though I can't remember much about them, funny thing about contractions is that they switch your entire brain off from other thoughts other than the thought of "OWWWWW!!", I could barely speak during them!

I attempted to eat some toast and porridge but the toast ended up cold and in the bin and the porridge made a reappearance in my kitchen sink (contractions hurt that much!) I rang the hospital out of desperation at 8pm even though I knew my contractions weren't regular enough (3/5/7 mins apart) and they told me I could come down but that the labour ward was closed due to full capacity, it was then that I had a little panic as I really wanted a water birth and the other hospital doesn't have water birth facilities, I really didn't want to be stuck on a bed! Anyway they said I could come down and be assessed and hopefully they'll be open again once I reach the right stage.

So off we went back to the hospital where I was assessed again, to be told I was a measly 1-2 cm dilated! Only another 1cm in 12 hours?! Geez I was miffed! They said I could go home again or I could wait in the assessment ward for up to two hours, I chose to stay as I couldn't bear getting back in the car and going home, I didn't want to go home until I had a baby to come with me goddamit! So we waited in the assessment ward, which felt like forever. I don't know what the midwife had done but my contractions were coming thick and fast and hurt a hell of a lot more than before, which I thought was impossible! She gave me some cocodamol which helped a bit, but not much. I found the whole being stuck on a bed thing really draining, I was in a teeny space with a curtain for privacy and felt really claustrophobic. I was on the bed-off the bed-on the-bed constantly, sometimes squatting on the floor, leaning over a chair, squeezing Ant's arms, whatever I could do to help the tension! The worst bit was when Ant went to the car to get the bags and put more money on the meter, I felt very scared being on my own and even though it was only for 20 minutes it felt like hours! By this time all thoughts of a water birth and no pain relief had left my mind and all I kept thinking was "I'm going to need an epidural" and there was no question about it. Those two hours were the most painful in all of my life!
Anyhoo, two hours had passed and the Nurse came back and assessed me again, and wahoooo I was 5cm and ready to go to delivery AND they were reopened! However since I had mentioned epidural about 500 times, they took me to a normal delivery room with the option of the bath, I got in the room and I knew it wasn't right. I mentioned the new water birth room (for those who watch One Born Every Minute it's the one that Myleene Klass opened) and she said she'd rather keep that for someone who definitely wanted a water birth. Ant then said to me "you've wanted a water birth since the word go, you said you never wanted drugs, are you sure you want to pass on a water birth?" I knew he was right, I had always wanted to birth my baby myself in the water so I told the nurse to ignore my requests for an epidural (she later said she wouldn't have let me have one anyway as I was a "star"!) and off I went to the swanky shiny new birthing pool!

The room was brilliant, there was a bed, the pool, dim lights, underwater lighting, sparkly lights on the ceiling, a comfy chair lovely photos of cute babies and a lovely big bathroom. My midwife Kathy (she was a legend!) ran the water straight away so I could carry on dilating in the water rather than on the bed as I may have mentioned how much I hated being on the bed! I was sooo relieved to get in the water, the bath is about 1.25m deep so enough to bob around in which made me feel quite light for the first time in months! Kathy offered me gas and air which I found didn't really do anything for the pain but with me being asthmatic I found using the mouthpiece to control my breathing was what helped the most, that and biting on it during the contractions! After about 2 hours in the water, I think I lost the will to live! The pains were longer and the urge to push was really quite overwhelming, I kept asking to come out the water and that I couldn't do it anymore and I needed pain relief. Both Ant and Kathy kept telling me that I was doing really well and that if I could manage a little longer then I would get my wish of having a water birth. I think I grumbled a fair bit but while Kathy was checking me she said she could feel the top of my baby's head, so I checked too and she was right! I felt a firm 50p coin sized area of what could only be described as a piece of firm fuzzy felt (her hair as it turned out!) and, well, that was it really, my motivation was back! I wanted to see my baby RIGHT NOW so I controlled my breathing, did some pushing, broke the rest of my waters and an hour or so later, at 2:47am she was out!  I delivered her myself, something I'm still pretty chuffed about, and the first thing I said to her was "Hello Violet, I'm your mammy and there's your daddy". I sat there for a good 20 minutes before she got taken to be cleaned up and dried, it was so lovely. I was in so much pain and felt like I'd been kicked in the crotch with a tree branch, but I didn't care. She was here, eyes closed and curled up in a teeny ball on my tummy rather than inside it. She did the smallest of cries and just went to sleep on me while I sat there with her under my top. I remember Ant pacing the room all emotional and not knowing what to do, so we got her cord ready and he cut that, he was scared he was going to cut her and was trembling with nerves. Kathy cleaned her up and wrapped her in blankets and gave her to Ant to hold.

I must write my appreciation for my midwife as if it wasn't for her (and Ant) I wouldn't have gotten through it, she was such a good motivator and kept nicely kicking my butt when it needed kicking. I probably would have given in on a water birth if it wasn't for her and she kept me calm the whole time and let me do the whole birthing moment all by myself. She was very kind and kept applauding me for doing so well and not crying or screaming!

So I got out the pool, feeling like Bambi learning to walk again as I don't think I had any energy left! I was hoisted into the bed and wrapped in blankets to warm up and passed my baby back so I could feed her. I'll never forget what it felt like to breastfeed her for the first time, it was very natural and I couldn't quite believe that she knew what to do straight away! I doubt she got much from me as I hadn't eaten in days but she seemed to enjoy staying there! Ant sat next to me staring at her and taking photos and we wrote a message to send to our friends and family (it was a bit late/early to be calling people).
I needed a shower desperately as I felt a bit minging by this point. A different midwife called Naomi was looking after me at this point and she said if wanted a shower to have Ant stay in the bathroom with me just in case, which I thought was a bit unnecessary at the time as I felt completely fine, just a bit tired. So off I went to the shower with my toiletries, quite excited about being clean and moisturised again! I felt a little light headed as I was turning the shower off, which I thought was because of the heat, so Ant helped me out and sat me on a chair while he went to get me a biscuit which I had asked for to help my sugar levels. Now, this is where I resort to Ant for details as I don't remember what happened next. Apparently, Ant came back and my eyes were completely glazed over and he was trying to pass me the biscuit but I just stared at him and my eyes rolled into the back of my head, then I swayed off the chair and Ant had to catch me, I had passed out. He said because I was fresh out the shower that I was too slippy to hold, plus the fact I was a dead weight he couldn't hold me so put me down on the floor in the recovery position. He said he looked in my mouth and couldn't see my tongue and was worried I had swallowed it, which is when he panicked. He pressed the emergency buttons on the wall but nobody was coming so he ran out into the corridor and shouted for help and about five or six midwives came running. All I remember is waking up, seeing a blonde lady in my face and for a split second I had forgotten I'd had a baby and thought I'd just nodded off at home for a nap! Then I realised there was more than one midwife, that I was naked, cold and wet and that Ant was there, white as a sheet and looking VERY freaked out and upset. Then I was told that I'd had "a little fall", I was getting my blood pressure checked and was assured I was OK, I was just a bit exhausted and that a 36 hour labour, no food, no sleep, losing blood and giving birth had taken its toll on me! They asked me if I knew where I was, which I did, and I could hear them asking Ant if I had anything to wear, I called out that I had new "post birth special M&S pjs" and they laughed and said I must be OK if I can be thinking about that! They stood me up, dried me off, helped me get dressed and put me in a wheelchair and forbid me to walk until my shakes had gone. They brought me extra toast which Ant ate most of and lots of cups of tea which definitely helped. As soon as we were alone Ant burst into tears bless him, he was so worried and after all the emotion of seeing me in labour, I think it was all a bit much for him!

We were allowed to stay in our nice room for quite a while so we waited until around 9am. We packed up and I was wheeled off carrying Baby V down to the post-natal ward, where I was promised some sleep (hahaha!) Ant helped me unpack my stuff and I fed Baby V again, then he left to go home, I told him to get a taxi as he was too tired to drive but it turns out he drove anyway and got stuck in a diversion so only made it home in time for an hour long nap as my sister turned up after that!
I got really emotional when I was alone, Violet slept for hours and I just watched her sleep. Her skin looked like velvet and she kept flexing her tiny fingers. Her eyes were squished closed and she sort of looked a little Chinese! I'd dressed her in what now seems like a tiny onesie but it was baggy and enormous on her, she was also wearing a tiny cotton hat and I swaddled her in her blanket. I kept crying on and off all day, I wanted to squeeze her close to me all day but thought she deserved the sleep. The nurses in Delivery kept telling me I would get some sleep in PN Ward, they must be mad as all I could hear was screaming babies and kept getting numerous nurses, the hearing test lady and the Bounty lady popping in every 20 minutes! So needless to say I got no sleep which was a nightmare as I hadn't slept for three nights already! So then my sister, the in-laws and Ant came to visit me on the first visiting session, my sister arriving in floods of happy tears and telling me she felt she had a responsibility to be here for me which was rather lovely of her. My mother in law (MIL) was a little overwhelmed and just stared at Baby V the whole time, she looked quite besotted. My father in law (FIL) had a little cry while cuddling her, they kept saying how she was the best thing to happen to them in a long time and kept thanking me which made me rather misty eyed to say the least! They were only allowed to stay for two hours so they left but Ant stayed with me to help me go to the bathroom and get me some food as I was starving and never managed to eat my lunch as Violet kept waking every time I tried to eat!

My best friend Rachel (who also blogs: Rewarding Memories) and Rob came to see us during the second visiting hours. Rach brought me some sweets and a newspaper for me to keep for Violet so she can see what happened on the day she was born. They had cuddles and took pictures. It must have been strange for her seeing me with a baby as we have BFF's since we were nine years old! Ant went with them when they left as he didn't have the car, so I was left again to get my stuff ready and get dressed, which was a mission in itself! The physiotherapy lady came to check Violet as you're not allowed to leave until that is done, she got the all clear. The midwife came to check I was OK feeding (you're not allowed to go until they're happy you can feed the baby yourself) and I was told I was allowed to leave, hurrah! So at 8:30pm I was off home! Ant carried Violet in her car seat and I managed to carry a bag and my "baby girl" balloon. Violet and I waited for Ant to bring the car round, and I remember catching my reflection and having no bump (well, a smaller squishier version!) felt very strange! Ant drove like an old man the entire journey home and I just took pictures of Violet in her little hat wrapped in her blanket all sleepy and snuggly. Then we were home with our perfect little bundle of joy and the fun was just about to begin...!